Hidinginwonderland.tumblr.com
I post mildly amusing quotes/photos. I also like to post my face, animals and things from my life occasionally. About five times a year I will have a gigantic rant but will most likely delete it within five minutes ’cause whiners are weeners.
Browsing the internet we find ourselves wrapped up in other people’s business, whether we want to be or not. We frequently come across people we don’t like and try to avoid those we are not fond of with much effort. It never really works though. The internet is a crazy thing and it makes everyone crazy too. However, it is just a bunch of people coming together and talking so it may as well be the “real world”. The things we say on line should have the same effect as they do in person surely?
I personally spend a lot of my time on line and find it amazing. I talk to people who I otherwise wouldn’t talk to.
I treat the internet like the so called ‘real world’ too. If I see someone online or if they have posted a recent status and haven’t replied to me I get immediately irritated because to me they have 1. ignored me or 2. been too f-ing lazy to respond. Either way they are a rude bellend in my book. I’m exactly the same when it comes to texts and phone calls. This might just be me of course but when someone messages me I message back unless I’m busy but I’ll usually tell them I’m busy. I think the only time I don’t respond is when I’m working, asleep or so drunk that I can’t physically respond. Ha. It is all about manners.
Humans are just weird creatures. The internet allows us to speak to like minded people. Wow this is a ramble, I was going to have some sort of direction, I promise.
Every week something will go wrong in my life, my mood will dip, I’ll get told off at work and cry or I’ll get yet another turn down from an employer. However, the one thing I’ve almost forced myself to realise is that complaining about it and pitying myself isn’t going to make this stuff go away, it isn’t going to make people at work start respecting me and wont make employers like me more.
One thing I can’t stand are people who go on and on about the same problems I have, the difference is I don’t whine about them constantly.
To succeed and to be happy you need to believe in yourself, you need to say “Yes, I can do it”. Holding yourself back because of fear doesn’t leave you any more comfortable, I should know. It leaves you saddened by your average part-time job. I could have gone to Thailand for six months but I chose not to, partly because I was scared and partly because of my boyfriend. I wish I went but I have now created a whole new plan that I AM going to follow through with even if it leaves me lonely for a while. I’m going to do a PGCE and then whisk myself off to Japan or Korea to teach. If that doesn’t work out then I will just do it the other way around. I’ve reached the point where I feel like I NEED to do it because If I don’t I’ll be stuck living with my parents for many years to come and however much I love it here, I know if I stay here much longer I will become more and more depressed. I’m happy in myself and think I have grown as a person so now I just need to get out there!
Fact is, we can hold ourselves back so we aren’t put in unfamiliar situations or risky unknown places but it wont make our life any better. It will leave your life the same as it has always been. In a world where jobs are hard to come by, if you’re an average person, it sometimes proves difficult to get anywhere, so if you get a chance? TAKE IT. Same goes for people who do get chances though. They need to just be happy they have gotten somewhere instead of rubbing it in the faces of the less fortunate.
I sit down at my adorable pink netbook. Why on earth I felt the need to get a pink one is beyond me, I mean apart from the fact that it is absolutely adorable. I open a text/word document. I don’t actually have Microsoft Word because I’m far too poor for that. In doing so I notice that the fiction I’ve been planning in my head for so long hasn’t actually gotten that far. This isn’t because I haven’t wanted to write, nor is it because I haven’t found the time but it is purely because I’m so exhausted with life. Whenever I sit down to write I start feeling guilty about not applying for jobs which is insane because I cant spend twelve hours a day applying for the things. I constantly feel guilty for writing and it saddens me. It isn’t like a blog, my fiction comes from deep thought, imagination and all of my dreams coming true in a few words. Blogs are fairly easy to bang out because I pretty much write what is going through my head at that moment in time, whatever it may be about.
It is not something I particularly want to share with others until it’s written. People ask what I write about but I don’t want to tell them, I don’t see why I should. I guess this might make me boring or unsociable but I’m not completely fussed. I feel like I need inspiration and most of my great ideas form when I’m driving home from working in the bar. I guess this is a good thing but at the same time, when I get home I’m far too tired to think let alone write. I don’t want to feel guilty for writing any more, it ruins it. People just don’t seem to understand that when you write you can’t be social. I have to close myself off from the world which I guess that is why I write at night time, but it’s proving difficult lately.
Where do you get your inspiration from? and your motivation? Do you get it from rainbows because I’d really love some help.
Growing my hair. 
It’s getting there now, making me happy. I think hair reflects what people think of us and it’s all fine and good having brightly coloured hair while you’re younger but as you get older you almost have to make your hair grow the f up if you want respect from colleagues/want to find a job. I used to have very brightly coloured hair, bright pink to be exact and I got noticed quite a lot because of it. It was kind of cool and I did love the attention but after a while I started to worry about whether people liked me just because of my hair, was that why I had friends? I’ve worked out it wasn’t though and I look far more attractive with a darker shade in my hair. It all sounds very self obsessed and vain however it is an important thing if you think about it. If someone thought you were beautiful with bright blue, green or whatever colour hair would they still like you without it? I guess some would but a lot of people are very shallow. Guys and girls who say they only like people with bright hair, tattoos and piercings aren’t worth your time because when you finally enter the real world they may lose interest. I could go on forever but I’ve got stuff to do. Just a thought. What do you think?
or not to be.
I personally have never been a morning person however after a good cup of tea, a bit of The Big Bang Theory and a shower I’m fine. I’ve brought this up because every morning I get up and go downstairs to make my tea. My parents start shooting a bunch of questions at me and ask me what I’m going to do with my day. For some bizzare reason they still to this day don’t seem to be able to understand that before I’ve had my cup of tea, I’m a grumpy sod. It isn’t because I want to be or I’m nasty but it’s for one, the obvious, because I’m tired. I’m also usually full of allergies due to the cats, hamsters and dog in the house and more than often, have a gigantic headache. I always need time to wake up on my own.
For this I use comedy, it has to be something but easy to watch: The IT Crowd, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Peep Show and so on. It puts me in a good mood and wakes my head up a considerable amount without making me angry. My parents are quite loud people, even walking up the stairs? THEY WALK LOUD. I’m not even joking, I swear they do it on person but that would be crazy? Is it socially acceptable to be a grumpyface in the morning or does that make me horrible? I think it’s perfectly fine to want to be left alone in silence for an hour of my day. Hell I like being quiet for half of it actually. Must I interact all day every day to be considered a decent, happy person or something?
Are you a morning person or like me do you get irritated at the slightest of things?
I realise this is just a bit of a ramblerant however I HAVE just woken up. 
No no, I don’t mean a cola or a glass of water. Though cola is the yummiest thing around.
What I mean is that thing that refreshes your mind, soul and body. This morning I woke up and my usual routine is to get a cup of tea, bowl of alpen, watch an episode of friends and then grab a shower(not physically grab one, those things are heavy). After this i will spend about two hours getting ready, watching tv, listening to music and pretty much just staring at my own reflection. It sounds vain but I’m fairly obsessed with my own face and I have no idea why because it’s not as if I’m thinking “OOHHH BABY YOU’RE HOT”. I just can’t help staring at myself sometimes and…thinking.
Per usual I just went off the point but that is why you love me. Now where was I? Refreshment. Today I awoke and sure I got a cup of tea and bowl of alpen but it stopped there. I applied for my PGCE and sent off for my references, I read a chapter of my book, I stretched/danced around my room for a bit of light exercise along with pushups ’cause I NEED TO IMPROVE THE GUNS. Guns? ye I don’t have guns…more like mini marshmallows. I am now writing this blog and am going to write some of my fiction before allowing myself to shower. By writing fiction I do of course mean expanding my ideas so i can write fiction.
We all have our different routines but I’ve recently discovered that the more you change it the more motivated you tend to feel. You see if you are like me and slightly self obsessed, making yourself look the best you can may take up half your day. You have wasted your day staring at your own reflection which lets face it is less productive then playing the AMAZING ZELDA. Zelda IS amazing so don’t argue please. I have gotten more done in this smelly,sweaty, slightly sleep state compared to what I would have gotten done if I had taken a shower. It’s refreshing.
Not only does it feel unbelievably refreshing it also makes you feels amazing about yourself. I now wont feel guilty about sitting on my butt for the rest of the day playing zelda and watching television. I have work later so I feel it’s been a good day so far. This is how I boost myself and I realise my blogs are annoyingly personal at the moment but it’s all I have going on so you have to deal with it or of course just click the little x on your broswer.
What do you do to keep yourself motivated? Do you have a daily routine?
You may know or you may not know that I attended University between the years of 2008 and 2011. Making friends was always a difficult task for me, it wasn’t an enjoyable thing to do so when I started university in 2008 I was full of panic and fear. I think to make you understand the way I am would be to explain all three years to you. I guess then, we should start with first year when I was a longmessy haired fresher.
Year One
So about a couple of weeks before I started University I got my first tattoo and I decided for some bizzare reason to dye my hair a dark purple/plum colour. I’d spent the past 18 years having long brown hair with absolutely no change apart from growing my fringe out. I was fed up of living on the safe side as most of us safies do and I guess it was my strange way of taking a stand as I’d always wanted coloured hair. I made a little group of friends in my block, all of which I had nothing in common with. The rest of my block seemed to have formed their own click and didn’t seem tom understand that the reason I didn’t hang out was because I was socially awkward and shy. I do sometimes wish I’d tried harder in making friends with them because I was friends with a few but not enough to comfortably be around them all. This made my first year fairly lonely. I was never asked places and if I was, I was an afterthought. I solved this of course by drinking and going out. It was lonely but at least I wasn’t inside all the time.
Year two
At the end of my first year I’d made a few friends on my own, they were mostly guys but they were great friends so when it came to year two I knew I wasn’t alone. I still felt like I was imposing on everyone. I got a boyfriend and things were pretty great for a while. Later in the year I was of course alone again and WHAM. everything died.
Year three.
Fairly amazing to be honest but still completely lonely. I dyed my hair pink and thought I was invincible. I was in love. but…I was still lonely when it came to friends.
I’ve always wondered that through my loneliness, have I ever actually made an impact on anyone else in the world? I mean I know people think I’m pretty, weird quirky and strange but no one actually spent much time trying to make an effort with me. I felt like I was the one trying all the time. I wonder whether people I met in university will remember me in two, four,six years time or maybe I was just a passing amusement. There will be people I forget but for the most part…I’ll remember people even if they were completely and utterly horrible to me. It did get me to thinking though, that from now on I want people to only think good of me, I don’t want to bring sadness on anyone. If they are going to remember me, I want them to be good memories.
Do you ever wonder what impact you have on others?
I’m so sorry this blog doesn’t seem to have a direction.
Seriously. When I started University I had only just turned 18 and I was very childish. Not in a pulling other kids trousers down(though I never did that ha) kind of way but just in myself. I hit puberty later than every one else I knew and just generally looked younger. I was way more naive and I don’t think I became interested in boys properly until I was 16. Same goes for make up, clothes and shoes. I never knew what clothes to wear or what style suited me best…pretty much I was an awkward shy girl.
In university I grew in to myself quite a lot and was trying to discover who on earth I was. Now I’ve graduated and have joined the adult world I’m finding myself with new responsibilites but also a new found happiness. I’m happy, I now feel like I belong. When I go back to my ex uni(old friends, live close, boyfriend) I feel completely and utterly out of place. It is true there are some people who I can talk to and connect with, for example, my boyfriend. However, I have noticed a giant age gap between me and a lot of the people there. Even though they are only three years younger the 18 year olds at my ex uni seem like they are 10 years younger. I have been through everything they are going through, I have done it and worn the t shirt so when they ask me out to get wasted and dress up my answer will be no. I don’t want to drink lots. I don’t want to be scantily clad and make a fool of myself…at least not a drunken fool of myself anyway.
I now enjoy sitting quietly in a pub/bar/at home drinking red wine. I enjoy talking to people about interesting topics. Life, jobs, films, tv shows, music and writing. I don’t enjoy talking about how wasted some 18 year old tard got last night. It sounds harsh and I bet(I’m fairly sure actually) I used to be like that but now I’m not I prefer talking to older people. They are genuinely more interesting.
Do you think age counts and if so in what way? For example, the amount of years/the point you are at in your life.
It is a question I have been asking myself for several years. You see through school I was the quiet one and the more and more people told me I was shy, quiet and a nice pushover the more I became one. It’s hard to change yourself when people already have certain perceptions of you because when they see the “new” you they will make a big deal out of it and comment on how you’re acting and ask you why you’re being different. This makes you wonder whether the person you’ve been your whole life has actually been you or maybe it has just been everyone around you moulding you in to something they want.
Right now people are telling me different things. People are telling me I’m bubbly and happy, others are telling me I’m selfish and have a giant ego and others? Well others, like me, have no idea. Now I know I’ve done horrible things but I also know that I like making other people happy and I have the emotional range of a teaspoon. I know I am still the pushover I used to be but I now fight it. I act with strength. All I know really is that I’m growing as a person and I should never believe people when they call me names or tell me who I am and what I’m thinking. I’m a human being. No human is perfect and all I know is that I’m trying to be a more positive person and I’m trying to lead a happy life. That is all that matters.
